This morning I feel pretty great, well, my arm does at any rate. My head still has a lingering headache, but it's infinitely better than yesterday. Woo, hoo!
I woke up this morning next to a beautiful man. A man who makes my heart sing and my pulse race. That's a wonderful thing. I know I have this awful disorder that makes me throw my hands up in defeat, but these are the moments that I need to focus my energy on. The moments that make me so childishly happy, that make my heart flutter, are the ones that I need to absorb all the energy from and re-purpose that energy when I'm in pain or sad. If I can just refocus that energy I would be golden and this would all just fall away.
Every moment like that has so much energy in it to fuel our minds and our bodies. We need that connection to others to make us feel alive. The energy that it produces can fuel us in moments of weakness where the focus is not on the 'here and now', but the 'what if's'. Those moments make us forget what we live for and should be refocused on the positive energy our lives feed us at regular intervals. We just have to pay attention and live fully in the moment to store that energy.
It wasn't until this year that I finally figured this much out. I was a depressed person for too many years to count. This year I awoke to the incredible gift of energy. A therapist tried to get me to understand the concept of living in the moment, but I was too messed up to listen then. It's only now, after years of being off all those psychiatric medications, that I can see and feel what she meant.
I was no longer satisfied with a half life. I'm not complete in my life to be glowing just yet, but I'm a lot closer than I've ever been before. I was too scared to look at some aspects of my life that needed revising. I was inspired by others to change and so I leapt into the abyss. I'm not going to lie and say that it's not without fear. I'm getting to a place where there will be less of that. I will get to a place where my positive refocusing is a full time gig. This I promise myself.
It's all a matter of living in the moment. Enjoying every single, itty bitty moment. Even the moments that cause pain have energy. I believe it's all about fine tuning that negative energy and adjusting it to invite vibrations of good will to your life. At least that's the conclusion that I've come to. I'm putting that last part into my daily mindful practice.
No time like the present. I believe I will now go love and experience more of those delicious rays of energy. Mmmmm.