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Saturday, August 30, 2014

Wellness Journal | Symptom: Brain Fog Attention Span

Pain Level: 
3 out of 10. (10 being the worst).

Symptoms: 
10:13 pm: right arm and hand and shoulder and neck hurt quite a bit. Left wrist and arm feel much better. Better enough to make nachos with homemade chips for dinner.





What's going on in my life today:
My girls are home and fighting again. It's hard to be a good mom and be attentive when feeling like in a brain fog. Not sure if it's cannabis healing my brain or if it's the lack of dopamine sucking out my life by each teeny drop of dopamine.

Happiness Level:
5 out of 10. (10 being the worst.)

Stress Level: 
3 out of 10. (10 being the worst.)

Cannabis oil consumption: 

Duration of dose: 
3 hour high which seems about the average right now.

Pain level after dosing: 
6.5 out of 10, but very sleepy. Putting on some tiger balm and hitting the sack.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Wellness Journal | Symptom: Depression & Memory Problems



Pain Level: 
8 out of 10. (10 being the worst).

Symptoms: 
2:12 am: can't sleep, head hurts, anxious, can't feel anything on my skin. I don't want to wake Bill and worry him. :(

Progression notes: 
I'm having bouts of depression at least once a week. Just incredible sadness and grief over what I'm going through. This morning I cried for hours.

New therapies: 
got my second supply of oil today from my very sweet benefactor! I get free oil in exchange for documenting my progress! Not too shabby!!!
:D

What's going on in my life today: 
This week Angel had to go to the emergency room because she thought she was having a stroke or a seizure. She told me on Monday morning right after I had just taken a large dose (something was going on that day with me and my pain I think), so I absolutely forgot. I didn't even tell Bill. Looking back I remember bits and pieces of the conversation and I think I thought that it wasn't a seizure at the time so dismissed it figuring I would explain later or something. She sent me a pic of her hand. I noticed it looks similar to mine during the worst if the storm. I gave her a few tips on hand massage and we agreed to do weekly skypes to keep up with our progress.

Mental: 
Started out shaky. I was crying because I was in terrible pain and because I was scared for both me and my sister. I know it's not my burden and it's my intention to learn how to release it. If I don't it will poison my relationship with my sister and I've taken an oath to avoid all poisons! ;)

Happiness Level: 
6 out of 10. (10 being the best.)

Stress Level: 
7 out of 10. (10 being worst.)

Bedtime and Sleep issues: 
hard time sleeping due to pain.

Marijuana consumption: 
Smoked a couple of times, but smoking out of a pipe here and there I can do without coughing so hard I want to vomit. The oil is so much better!

A Sample Cannabis Oil Dosage:

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Wellness Journal | Cannabis Oil Concentrate Short Study Day 5







Pain level is 4 out of 10. 
Cramping in left arm. 
Didn't take my 11am dose until 2pm bc I was having a hard time staying awake.

2:16 PM
Tired. Left hand and forearm cramping. Very tired, hard time focusing. Can't watch hour long tv programs.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Wellness Journal | Cannabis Oil Concentrate Short Study Day 4


Pain level: 
4 out of 10. (10 = worst.)

Woke up at 5:30, took first dose, no high but fell back asleep. Woke, smoked. Ate another dose at 8am bc I was in pain. Don't feel high, but don't feel much pain. Still a little pain in right and left biceps. My wrist is nice and straight! I don't think my dose is right (according to my instructions) so I'm going to take another one. The dose should be large enough that you feel drugged or high, but not so much that you're nauseous.

9:26am:

9:48 am:
Feel tired and a little drugged.

2:53 pm: 
Took a bigger dose bc the last had little effect. Big tremors and cramps.

5:36 pm: 
THE RIGHT DOSE FOR THE NEXT 24 HRS!! 


I just woke up from a nap. Wow, that was an intense 2 hour high. Tired. Guess that's the right dose according to my instructions.

Symptoms: 
Before I fell asleep I was having more tremors and cramps. Now there's a small persistent tic or two, but the tremors feel better. Cramping still happening. I told Bill that I think I'm about to have a storm or, perhaps, I'm already in one because there were many movement and tremors when not medicated.

Pain level:
3 out of 10 (10 = worst).





7:19 pm:
I feel like this is a storm. My right side is cramping, but it's like a shadow of the usual storm. It's masked, I can feel the rigidity and the tremors, but they aren't as present. and it hurts less. But it's it's usual oh gawd I'm losing control of my body again. I have absolutely no control. A moment of panic. The very minute I remember... Welcome to the eye of the storm...Btw: cognitive brain fog...

9:30 pm:
Before dosing I'm tired, still a bit high and happy.
Oil is not too shabby with chocolate either!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Wellness Journal | Cannabis Oil Concentrate Short Study Day 3

Continued from Wellness Journal: Day 1 and Day 2 of Cannabis Oil

Pain Level: 
6 out of 10 (10 being the worst).

Symptoms:
Wrist is still really straight. Less tremors and cramping. Right neck, shoulder and arm in pain.






New therapies: 
2nd full day on cannabis oil. I feel drugged, but mellow. Dosage size: rice grain. Sandwiched in between two pieces of Baker's chocolate the oil doesn't taste too shabby. Shotguns help periodically during today as an anxiety reliever.


What's going on in my life today: 
Girls are here. Lazy Sunday morning!  



Happiness Level: 
8 out of 10 (10 being the best).

Stress Level: 
2 out of 10 (10 being worst).

Bedtime and Sleep issues: 
Slept like a baby from midnight until 6:30 am! 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Treatment Plan | The Secret: Belief + Intent + Action = A Healthy Me!


I went for my very last doctor appointment this week and it made me decide not to see another western medical doctor again. I've made this decision because I need to focus my energies elsewhere. My mental health needs them the most and I don't have time to have negative energy make waste of the progress I've made when it comes to how zen I've been feeling lately.

I've been doing a lot of research and I keep finding myself equating neurological disorders and mental illness. They seem so intertwined with one another. They are all deeply affected by chemicals and react so similarly with medical marijuana. I've been exploring organic food and marijuana as treatment plans for my neurological disorder, but I believe there's something more...something that all of us should have as a wellness treatment.

One realm I keep coming back to in my research is to think positive. In fact, I believe that there are the parts of the brain that have yet to be explored and there is much to understand between how our food and medicine affects the brain and how positive energy affects it as well. Positive thinking, aka the placebo effect, is pretty intriguing. Is it really mind over matter? And what does that have to do with the law of attraction and my wellness plan?

I believe that there's an area of the brain that is unexplored that when activated regenerates cells in the human body. 


There is much scientific evidence that says that placebos are real. If people think that a medicine cures them that it will. Think about what that says about the power of the mind. Think about what this could mean for all neurological patients. If I'm correct, this could be another avenue towards wellness.

The law of attraction says that in order to have something wonderful happen in your life that you have to believe it into existence. If you believe and you know your intent, then it will be so. But it's not enough to have belief and intent. You must also have time to visualize it happening. Visualize it and it will be so. Take five minutes out of the day to remember a time when you felt the most loved. Remember how it felt, what it smelled like, the colors. Now feel that. Use it to combine with the intent that you want. Continue this practice daily. Remember not to dwell and worry about what you want. At the end of your visualization give it up to the universe. Don't think upon it further. The more you think and think about it, the more negativity you put into it. The best thing to do is live in the moment and let go of all control and all responsibility for the outcome.

This philosophy will require some thinking and retraining of the brain. I have to learn to let go of control and let go of my daydreaming. I have to visualize what I want and what I want is wellness. I need to visualize myself as healthy. What would that look like? What would I do if I weren't confined to my home all day? What would I accomplish? And do I want that? What is it that I want? Do I want to be healthy?

If the answer is yes, then I visualize how beautiful, happy and healthy I am. Notice the language. I did not say that I would hope that I was beautiful, happy and healthy. I said that I already was. Assume that it is already the way you envision it.

I believe the secret is a simple equation. Belief + Intent + Action = Healthy Me. At least that's my new treatment philosophy!

Wellness Journal | Cannabis Oil Concentrate Short Study Day 2

I took the first dose last night and feel fine. I felt it almost immediately. My spouse says that's not possible, but it's how I felt. Within an hour I was pretty woozy. This morning I woke to less pain and my hand and wrist look somewhat normal!!!



10:40 AM 
Pain level: 6 out of 10.
Time for my next dose at 11am, then again at 4pm and 10pm.

Didn't take a dose at 11 AM so it took some more at 1 PM. I'm kind of getting used to the taste.



1pm Cannabis Oil Dose

8/24/14 Notes: 
I was so super doped up the rest of the day that I didn't do much! I was woozy and tired. I kept falling asleep whenever I sat still for just a moment. It was kind of surreal how much it made me tired. I was still feeling pain, but nothing like before.

The dreams were impressive. I've never had such lucid dreams before. I also remember waking up in a panic, like a panic attack, thinking that something was wrong. Realizing nothing was wrong, I drifted back into sleep. Sleep was really difficult the first night mostly because my sleeping was so lucid. I knew what was going on around me and during my dreams. It was very odd and I had a difficult time adjusting to the feeling.

DISCLAIMER: These journals are intended for informational purposes only.
Help with the cramping and the tremors but doesn't get rid of them.

Going to get a scale today and some gelatin capsules. 




Friday, August 15, 2014

Wellness Journal | Cannabis Oil Concentrate Short Study Day 1




Pain level: 
8.5 out of 10. 




Notes:

12:16 pm:
Tired. Great sex this morning increased my serotonin levels. Severe right hand and arm pain. Trying to relax and remember that everything that's meant to be will be. Trying not to post any negative stuff on Facebook. It's really hard, but I'm trying! Eyes hurt, glasses broke today. Should've been upset, but wasn't. Why is it I feel like I need an assistant and why don't I get everything done in a done that I need to get done?

2:55 pm:
I've been avoiding the mailbox because I'm supposed to get a special secret package today but it was supposed to be here two or three days ago so i'm psyching myself out about it which sucks! it's going to be there I believe that it's going to be there because that's what I believe and that's what I want so I'm emanating love out of my chest right now.... I take that feeling I get when I'm with Bill and I put it inside my chest until my entire body feels like it's pulsing that vibration...

4:00 pm:
I got my oil a few minutes ago!!! It's kind of amazing! It came in an ordinary box, and a gold envelope sealed envelope. I gently tore the envelope open and found a tube of dark green oil. It smelled immediately upon opening it. Amazing, really, how like marijuana it smelled, yet...it smelled like the most marvelous marijuana I've ever seen...

Eating it was fun. I got some on my fingers and I had to gnaw at it with my teeth until it disappeared enough for me to use soap. (No, soap didn't work on it.) I put a small drop of oil on a piece of seaweed and that made me gag, but I kept it down.

9:35 pm: I took it at 8:30. I've been feeling the effects from that from the very minute I took it. 15 minutes after ingesting the oil, my boyfriend, Bill, gave me a shotgun (passing marijuana smoke with mouth to mouth) and that kind of set it off and now I'm so high...so, very, Very high.............

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Doctor Notes | Eastern Medicine Kind of Girl

To prepare for my appointment with Dr. Georgette Varga, a movement specialist and neurologist in Austin, Texas, I wrote the following note and emailed it to her a couple of days ahead of my appointment.

Current Symptoms

Memory problems
 Weakness in both arms, L worse concentration
 Afraid of falling
 Anxiety
 Dizzy spells: happen when sitting/standing up
 Weight change: lost 20 pounds since November
 Vision changes
 Fatigue
Incontinence
 Pain level consistently between six and eight out of 10
Leg movements when going to sleep: slow movement has been happening since birth
Rocking since birth
Tremors
 Chronic Constipation
 Cramping in left and right arms, both shoulders and neck
Pain in left arm/chest
Feel like difficult to stop, difficult to start. Ex: projects

Things to Note:
Grandfather was a Korean vet who had diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, prostate cancer and Alzheimer's.
Father died of mass tumor in his body that caused surgeons to remove pancreas and part of his stomach. Died of septic shock and stroke.
 I was born in North Dakota where the Parkinson's test rate is higher than that of the rest of the country. 2, 4– D was sprayed on the field near the Minot Air Force Base where I was born.
 I've had symptoms since 2009. I've been off antipsychotics since 2011.
I am still progressing.

Research I'm sharing:
North Dakota Parkinson’s Death Rate :http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/usa/north-dakota-parkinsons-diseaseNorth Dakota County Map: http://www.ezilon.com/maps/images/usa/north-dakota-county-map.gifNutrients, Suspended Sediment, and Pesticides in Water of of the Red River of the North Basin, Minnesota and North Dakota, 1990-2004: http://pubs.usgs.gov/sir/2007/5065/Center for Food Safety’s Parkinson’s Disease and 2, 4-D: A Summary of the Evidence, May 2013-14: http://dow-watch.org/cms/assets/uploads/2014/01/24-D-and-Parkinsons-Disease-Summary-FINAL1.pdfPesticides Trigger Parkinson’s Disease: http://www.beyondpesticides.org/gateway/health%20effects/parkinson's%20cited.pdf
Agent Orange Use During the Vietnam War: http://covvha.net/vietnam-war-agent-orange/Veterans Exposed to Agent Orange in Vietnam & Korea: http://www.benefits.va.gov/compensation/claims-postservice-agent_orange.asp
Veterans’ Diseases Associated with Agent Orange: http://www.publichealth.va.gov/PUBLICHEALTH/exposures/agentorange/conditions/index.aspSymptom-relieving and neuroprotective effects of the phytocannabinoid THCV in animal models of Parkinson’s Disease: http://www.publichealth.va.gov/PUBLICHEALTH/exposures/agentorange/conditions/index.asp


We ran late to the appointment. It was not my intention to be late, but the universe had other plans. I'm trying to go with the flow, but I raced up the walk way because I hate to be late. 

That morning as I was dressing I had to remember that I was dressing not just for my doctor's appointment, but for a day in Austin which included dinner with friends later. I gazed lovingly at my heels and I felt disappointment because I knew that with my dizzy and falling spells that I should not be wearing heels. I expressed my woe to my spouse and he told me that he would be next to me at all times, not to worry. I smiled at him, delighted he understood. Giving up my heels would be a last ditch effort. I wasn't giving up just yet!

It was my high wedges that the doctor's assistant remarked upon when he saw me. I smiled, said nothing. Then the doctor came in. She asked me how I was doing and I blurted out that I was progressing. It had gotten worse. 

She asked about my arm and if I had changed my mind into having carpal tunnel surgery. I said nothing as she rambled on about how I could lose the use of my arm. 

I piped up in anger, "What difference does it make if it ruins the right arm? We have to know the cause. We can't just go and do more damage to the body by doing surgery."

She pursed her lips. I could see that I was frustrating her. I had become a belligerent patient. Oh my. Was I in for it!

She would not look at my research and insisted that I did not have Parkinson's. She wouldn't examine me either to notice my progression. I persisted in telling her what I had learned in my research about pesticides and Parkinson's. I held up my hand to get her to listen to me when she tried to bowl me over. I told her that my estranged sister had just contacted me and told me that she has the very same symptoms. The very same. From the cramping and tremors, to the storms, and to the severe cognitive dysfunction when it came to memory.

She responded that I don't have tardive dyskinesia and I don't have Parkinson's. When I persisted in asking her what I did have, she responded, "You should get a second opinion. I don't know."

Aha! We got to the root of the problem, didn't we? She doesn't know. No doctor knows. There are too many diseases that are unknown. Until medical science has advanced enough to readily be able to diagnose what I have I will kindly stay away from all western medicine. I'm an eastern medicine kind of girl, I guess.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Wellness Journal | Pre-Cannabis Study Notes

This is my very last journal before my meeting with the doctor on August 13, 2014. I'm nervous, but confident in what I'm proposing. I know without a doubt this is happening to me and I have Parkinson's.

I watched a video today of Michael J Fox, I'm reading his book right now, too. I feel it in my bones that I have Parkinson's. I've never felt the other diagnoses like this. There was always a nagging doubt in the back of my head, but now there's just certainty....that the doctors are only guessing. The only person who knows what I'm going through is another Parkinson's patient. I'm looking for one that has taken the oil, but I haven't found him or her just yet, but I will.

I also know that I'm going to beat this!!!!
  
Today is Friday, August 8, 2014. Yay!!
Pain Level:
6 out of 10. (10 = worst.)

Symptoms: 
convulsing, left fongertips, left wrist, left neck, three dizzy spells today.


Progression notes: 
I laid down on my stomach after making love with my neck to the right and my body convulsed in my torso area for a good three minutes. I wanted to cry. I no longer have any control over my body. In that moment I decided to lose control and just let be. I shouldn't worry how others see me, but I do. I have to learn to let go of that fear because it will consume me. Instead I will retrain my brain to remember in such times that control is overrated.

Today is Saturday, August 10, 2014.
Pain Level:
7.5 out of 10. 10 = worst.

Symptoms: 
Right hand started hurting two days ago then my right wrist hurt, then my forearm and bicep. Today my right shoulder and neck hurt, too. My left arm hurts worse, too. A lot of pain today.

Progression notes: 
Two arms in pain. Yay, me.

12pm after smoking
Photo(s) of Left Hand:





Photo(s) of Right Hand:

Mental: 
I'm doing good today except that I keep finding myself being negative about things. I need to believe. I need to watch the secret again.

Happiness Level:
2 out of 10 (10 being the worst.)

Stress Level: 
4 out of 10. (10 being worst.)


Marijuana consumption:
Several bowls this morning and a couple to help with pain.

What I did today:
We got up went out for breakfast at Meños, made love, went to Kmart to get water dispenser because I'm having a difficult time lifting our water jugs.

Conclusion/question: 
I need to drink more lavender kava tea! It helps me with my stress and to sleep. Not to mention how delicious it is! Mmm!!!

Today is Monday, August 11, 2014.

Pain Level: 
8 out of 10. (10 being the worst.)

Symptoms: 
I've been experiencing some shocks to both hands and it causes excruciating pain. Very difficult to hold things or even drive. 😕 severe cramping today, neck and shoulder pain of both sides.



What's going on in my life today:
Lazy day mostly, did a lot of research. Read Michael J Fox. What I read made me sad bc I see so much of myself in his early symptoms. Learned my grandfather was in Korean War. I think he was exposed to agent orange hence his strokes, cancer and Alzheimer's.

Mental: 
I cried a little, but sticking to positivity!

Happiness Level: 
2 out of 10. (10 being the worst.)

Stress Level: 
2 out of 10. (10 being worst.)

Bedtime and Sleep issues: 
Pain while I slept last night.

Marijuana consumption: 
A lot!

Note to self: 
Find body outline to mark pain for blog.


Today is Tuesday, August 12, 2014.
Symptoms: 
8 am: Right side hurts worse today. Cramping in my left shoulder blade. Lots of tremors. Can't control them today and I'm getting stressed about whether or not people will notice at tonight's meeting.
Pain level: 7 out of 10 (10 = worst).
11:19 am: Excrutisting pain. I've been in tears for two hours. 😪 I wish I could cancel tonight's meeting, but I am needed. :(
Pain level: 9 out of 10 (10 = worst).


Mental: 
I need to stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on what I want so positivity can flow easily.

Marijuana consumption:
I'm having a hard time smoking, makes me cough. 

What I did today: 
Dude, I had the best time at the potluck tonight! It was super, super fun! I loved it! And I got so high and happy!!! My estranged sister called. We haven't spoken just yet, but the call will be as its supposed to be...I don't have fear because I miss her. I love her. And because only the universe knows the best possible outcome. 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Research | Undiagnosed Agent Orange Poisoning Suspected


In my GMO research I've been privy to a bunch of information from Children of Vietnam Veterans Health Alliance and I'm considering the possibility that one or both of our grandfathers that were in the Korean War could've been poisoned by Agent Orange and passed it onto my sister and I even generations later. There are many patient accounts that are suggesting that this is correct.

I disappointed my daughter today. She wanted to dye her tips turquoise and I hemmed and hawed all week. This morning I said that I would go and look at the hair dye. So, we looked at YouTube videos today to see which technique she wanted to use. I was once in the beauty industry and I know how to do all kinds of things like that.

I remembered that I still had purple hair dye up in the cabinet, so we took it down and did a test strip on a cut piece of her hair. The dye didn't come out the shade she wanted so we had agreed to go to the store to buy some more. After I was dressed I walked into the bathroom and I shut the door. I stood at the sink and stared at the little tub of purple hair dye.

A multitude of thoughts crossed my mind, all of which were some article or another warning me of chemical dangers. Dye was a predominant chemical in the beauty industry. Almost all permanent hair dye in the United States is a banned substance in Europe. Manic Panic is semi-permanent and does not include a banned ingredient, BUT it does contain methylparaben and monoethanolamine.

Suffice it to say, I know that these ingredients are not good for anyone and I would bet my very last dollar that's a toxic chemical that is better left in the bottle. I didn't know until that very minute why I had taken my sweet time taking my daughter to Sally's this week, but I was certain that I was not going to take her after all.

When I told her that we weren't going because of the toxic chemicals in the hair dye she was very upset with me. I felt bad for disappointing her, but I stood my ground and I tried to explain it as best as I could.

"Lexi, you know that Grandpa said he was in the Vietnam War. He said that he spent a good six months recovering from a bullet wound in his back. He fought in the jungles over there. We don't know what he was exposed to, but Agent Orange was sprayed in those jungles. He died at the age of 54. We don't know what really happened to his health or if it was affected because of his time over there. You also know that 2, 4-D herbicides were sprayed all over the area where I was born in North Dakota. You know how sick I am, right?" I paused to try to pull the cover off of her head, but she held on tightly.

"Lexi, I don't wish on you what I have. I know you think that what Grandpa had or what I had don't apply to you, but there has been some research that has come out that explains that these herbicides get into our genes. If grandpa was exposed to Agent Orange then that means that I was exposed, and then I was exposed again when I was a baby. It's in my genes, sweetie. Which means it's in yours.

I don't want you to suffer. It's my job as your mother to make these choices for you right now. You know that eating fast food is bad for you. I can't stop you from doing that when you're at your father's, but I can stop you from doing it here when you're with me. If I let you put that toxic dye onto your hair, then I would be contributing to any future illness you may have. I want you to eat organic and consume as little toxins as possible because I love you and I want to keep you safe. I'm your mother and that's my job."

The cover stayed over her head and I walked into my room and shut the door. I sat down on my bed, my heart heavy, and I took a deep breath. I knew she was mad at me, but I still knew I had made the right decision.