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Thursday, September 11, 2014

Progress | Dysfunction Junction Part 4

Continued from Dysfunction Junction Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Yesterday I went to the emergency room because I had horrible brain fog and a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I did not go to the emergency room the night before when I had that terrible episode and I regretted my decision.

I spoke to my sister on the phone and I was telling her about the episode and how I was feeling and we mutually agreed that I should go to the emergency room.

I was anxious. I had been anxious all morning and I couldn't shake it. I was in tears and I didn't want to go to the emergency room when Bill came home from work to take me. I felt bad asking him to quit working, but I was so grateful that the minute I mentioned the word "hospital" he said, "Let's go." I gathered up my kindle and my purse and we headed out the door.

I was already not feeling right and all of a sudden my head started that weird tic thing that started this past Saturday. I was instantly embarrassed and it made me tear up. I started walking funny, started arching my feet while walking just like this past Saturday. When the nurse was checking me in I was having balance issues so they let me sit down. My neck was working overtime so much that it was starting to hurt from the tension.

They got me a wheelchair (I was looking pretty crazy by then) and wheeled me into the drab emergency room. The nurse asked me questions and when she left I had another episode just like the one from the night before. Bill went out to get the nurse so she could see it, but she never came into witness it.  I had three more episodes while we waited.

The PA came in. I was disappointed it wasn't a doctor. He said he had ordered some tests, but didn't tell us what they were. A nurse came in and did an EKG even though there was nothing wrong with my heart.

I felt like all of this was an effort in futility. I asked the nurse if the doctor was going to come into see me because I needed an EEG. She looked at me funny before answering that they didn't have one there. My heart sank and I sighed. We left within ten minutes.

I made an appointment yesterday before going to the hospital to see my Primary Care Physician. We felt that it was important to keep the appointment because I need a referral to see Dr. Jankovic, a neurologist and movement disorder specialist in Houston, and because I wanted his advice about what to do since I'm in-between neurologists. (He thinks he's a guru, by the way.)

Dr. Killian listened to me and took his time. We discussed what had happened and he spoke about partial seizures being a possible answer as to what is happening to me, but in the same breath he cautioned me about using the word "seizures" to describe what's happening to me to doctors. He said it's best not to do that so I don't get a false diagnosis. I kinda think that's ludicrous, but am willing to operate on the side of caution. He gave me prescriptions for some blood work to test for autoimmune diseases and an EEG.

The minute I came home I crashed for a two hour nap which I desperately needed. I'm still trying to make up for that lost night of sleep I had this week. Throughout this ordeal I haven't slept much. I've been anxious. I've been a weepy mess. I've been so very negative. It's like I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I was so focused on this diagnosis or lack there of. It's so incredibly frustrating to see these doctors. I started thinking woe is me. I started thinking that this is all in my head because the doctors all say so. The only thing that's in my head is negativity. I need to replace it with vital positive thoughts. I cannot continue to go down this path because it is not the path to wellness. So, negativity and I had a chat and we broke up!

Now my train seems a little happier. Still on course. Still chugging along without my authorization, but at least the horizon ahead is looking sunny, blue and full of white fluffy clouds.

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